What's Your Number?

I copy people.
Okay, not people.
Just my messiah.
For I am Moses.
And Moses is as Moses does.
Sorta.

Annnyway...

Some of these are pretty vague and some are WHOA obvious to those who know that it's them I'm talking about.  Maybe I want them to know.  Think about that?

1. You are...probably one of the most influential people in my life right now.  I didn't plan you, you were an accident.  That doesn't mean that you were a mistake.  I don't regret any of the things I've said to you, or done with you...in fact, I think by letting go of a lot of the things I had kept with me, you helped me come out of that hole I'd dug for myself.  I'm never letting go of you, darling.  Not ever.  I'd like to see you get rid of me.

2.  Oh God, talking about you is kinda like...well, let's just say I wouldn't utter the word "Sasututu" to just ANYONE.  If we lived close together, you would be one of my BESTBESTBEST friends.  Mostly because I can tolerate you for more than ten minutes. XD  Actually, it's a lot more than that.  We share a lot of the same views on things, and even when we don't agree with one another to the exact degree, we don't fight over it.  In fact, I can't ever see us fighting like...EVER.  You choke me with your Jedi-ninja awesomeness, and someday I am going to abduct you from your state and make you come live with me in plagued insanity.  We've talked about this.  You are stuck.  <3 ya.

3.  When I think about you, I think of all of the ways we could have been really close.  And we are, don't get me wrong.  We're closer than close.  We're clones, after all.  But I think the age and distance gap is the thing that separates us.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, I realize.  We are the kind of friends that can just kinda pick up where we left off, aren't we?  I would do anything for you, you know, and all you ever have to do is ask.  If you need to get away that bad, I would gladly take off work and come get you to try and rescue you from the madness.  Why?  Because I love you that much, that's why.  Don't think you are alone, because you always have me, no matter what.

4.  I love you.  I hate you.  I hate loving you and love hating you and the blood bond that ties us together isn't the only thing that keeps me from cutting you off...the guilt gets me too.  I feel guilty that I am getting to the point where I could say I don't care anymore.  Did you plan this when you made it so that I couldn't live without you?  Did you know that I would always come back, just like I said I would?  Did you press into my mind this idea that there is nothing without you?  Because there is!  I can live without you!  I can!  I just have to get my two legs underneath me and go, because I can't wait around for you for the rest of my life.  You have to do what you have to do, and I hope you can someday forgive me for not trying harder to cling to you.  I love you, but I hate this.  And I can't do it anymore.

5.  My friend.  My enemy.  My sensei.  My mentor.  You taught me insane things about life I never would have learned otherwise.  You opened my mind to many possibilites, and now I can let go of things I would have held tight to.  You argued with me, not to make me look stupid, but to push me to think beyond what I was thinking.  You are brilliant, and I love you in the way only one intellectual could love another.  You haven't seen the last of me, I guarantee it.

6.  You were my first friend at college.  Amazing how the year's gone by.  I don't think we'll stop being friends, because I won't let it, and neither will you.  You're my best friend at times, you know?  I don't think I would have made it without you.  We don't fight, we don't argue, there's just this understood idea that I like what I like and you like what you like and we're both dorks, but that's cool.  We clash and mesh in that ying yang way we are so well-known for.  You'll always hold a special place with me, no matter what happens.

7.  I honestly didn't know whether we'd be good friends or not at first.  You were so quiet, so kept to yourself that I didn't know if I could bring you out of it.  But I did, didn't I?  Now you're swearing, and flipping me off, and flinging food at the retard, and watching funny videos with me...we are going to only grow more close with this coming year, mostly because we made it so we are together.  We'll all grow close, the five of us, and we'll be friends forever.

8.  I don't know what to think when I think of you sometimes.  You're infuriating, you're upsetting, but you're also wonderful too.  I bend over backwards for you sometimes.  I wish it was enough, but I am only one person.  I have so many people in my life right now, and to fit them all in, I had to cut back a bit.  Notice I said cut BACK, not cut OUT.  We will always be friends, I promise.  You just have to cut me some slack sometimes.  I get tired.  I wear out.  I can only bend so far before I break, and I can't break, because I don't have the time to fix myself.

9.  I can't say how much you irritate me sometimes.  I always want to be like you, but then I don't.  You're great and miserable at the same time.  You care about others, but you are so self-centered.  It's like you're doing one thing and trying to do another, and I can't keep up!  I don't know what is going to happen with us.  We'll always be connected, this is true, and I can't just walk away from you after ALL these years, but honestly, I'm tired of living in your shadow when I know my shadow is much bigger.  Birth order means nothing, you realize.  Just because you are who you are and you do what you do...this means nothing.  I am going to surpass you.  Just wait.

10.  You are simply amazing.  It's crazy how I went out on a limb to do something, and it wound up rewarding me with a friend like you.  Writing was terrifying for me, but getting a boost to my ego was great.  It's also crazy how I make more references to our talks than to most of my friends I see on a regular basis.  I think if we lived closer to one another, we would be neigh inseparable.  You make me laugh hysterically the way few people do anymore.  Most of our jokes are probably the most absurd I've ever heard, but just the mention of them sends me into hysterics.  We're going to be friends for a looooong time, I can tell.  You should look up the English translation to Ayumi Hamasaki's "Memories."  It's your fault I'm addicted to that song now, and the literal meaning kinda reminds me of you too.  Ily.